In light of that, I asked my husband if he'd be willing to write a little something regarding the healing in our marriage. We both have seen so much change in our relationship and own lives, that I knew he'd have something valuable to share.
As I read his entry, I couldn't help but think about how much we as women, in an effort to be 'equal' can end up taking away any chance our husbands have of supporting, loving, and providing for us in the way God has intended. At the same time, as this happens, men over time haven't stood up and been firm in their roles. Maybe because what Josh talks about below is just easier than fighting with a stubborn woman who wants her way (even if it's not the best way). Regardless, God has set in place a perfect design for the marital relationship if we are willing to follow it. It doesn't mean that women can't be strong, work, provide and have opinions. It does mean that we have to be willing to let our husbands lead our families. We trusted them enough to marry them and have children with them, we MUST trust them enough to guide us and take care of us.
And now, a word from My Mr....
My darling wife has asked me to write something for this
blog. I said “sure!” That was stupid. I failed to consider the fact that most of
you who are reading this blog are women; and many of you have been very moved
by one or more of Amanda’s posts. I am
glad that she has been able to share our experiences; but that doesn’t mean
that it’s not a bit intimidating to try to follow all of that.
If you have been reading you know by now that things are
really good between Amanda and I right now; but that this hasn’t always been
the case. While she has shared several
reasons for this already; including her past and how that shaped her
perceptions of relationships; it’s not the whole story. The rest of the story might not be as
interesting; but it may be the most common thread in all of this.
For the first 10+ years of our marriage; I had no idea how to
be the husband that Amanda needed and deserved.
Don’t get me wrong, I was the perfect husband… if you judge by what you
see on TV. I had fallen into the
prototypical role of a husband/father that is depicted in nearly every American
sit-com in the past 40 years. I had a
job; came home; spent time in the recliner in front of the TV, patiently
waiting on my wife to hurry it up with dinner; and played the part of the
overgrown child fairly well. I reasoned
that I worked hard; and when I came home it was my time to relax; grumble if
the kids were too loud; and catch up on whatever I could manage on
Sportscenter. If I was involved in
something; it was one of my projects; a race-car; a truck that I never got
quite right; something that separated me from my family.
All of this seemed perfectly normal. From Tim Allen to Homer Simpson to Ray
Romano; I was fitting right into the mold.
Unfortunately; it’s not a mold that anyone should want to fit into. This isn’t what I needed; what Amanda needed;
and definitely not what my two young daughters needed. Husbands are not another child to raise. They aren’t to be buffoons that our wives get
together and one-up each other with embarrassing stories over. Whether or not we are the primary financial
provider (which is less and less likely) we should come home to be engaged with
our families; not to shut them out. My
daughters need to see someone who is happy to see them and play with them. Who shows them attention and loves their
mother. My wife needs to know that I
can’t wait to get home to her; not ESPN.
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t take time to rest or re-charge; but
should we be doing that at the expense of the people we love most?
As Amanda and I reassessed our roles in our marriage; it
forced me to look at my role in our family overall. I’m still working on it. There are still times that I fail to show my
family the attention that the need and deserve; but I’m working on it. I may never be the perfect husband or father;
but I can darn sure beat the Tool Man.
From the Word:
25 Husbands, love your wives the same as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it. Ephesians 5:25
4 He must be a good leader of his own family. 1 Timothy 3:4
18 Wives, be willing to serve your husbands. This is the right thing to do in following the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives, and be gentle to them. Colossians 3:18-19
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